I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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