I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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