dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
