I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
