Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
