My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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