Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
