You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
