3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Boobs speak an international language.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
