if i can run in heels then i can drive
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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