Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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