hell yes lets make some ravioli
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
