I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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