Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
