i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
