ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She's not a foreskin expert like you
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
