I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
