she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
