so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
