I feel like abortions should bother me more
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
