Please, let me fuck your mom
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize