he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
