but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
