covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
