lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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