I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize