yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Houston, we have a squirter
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize