I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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