we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The air taste purple.
Randomize
