There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
