his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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