I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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