I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
