I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
only you would photoshop your dick
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
