Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
