Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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