why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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