She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
