I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
