Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
