It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
