there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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