I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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