it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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