Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
