dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
