Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
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