It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
