thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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