So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
