i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
