you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
