bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
