I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
