Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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