apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have grass duct taped all over my body
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
