i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
