she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
