You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
