I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
