she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
