Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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