Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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