We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
