chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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