i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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