Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
even my farts smell like vagina
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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