so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
