Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
