Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
