Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
