my phone needs a breathalizer
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
