I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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