They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
