in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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