My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
