Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
