yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
