Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
