just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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